Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Sometimes….

….things break.

And sometimes….a tiny (Pterodactyl) friend has to help you put the pieces back together.

But other times, and more often…it’s up to you.

…only you can fix what’s broken.  And that task can be so daunting.

…especially if you don’t know where to begin.  And especially if you’re the one that’s broken.

…but if you’re hurting someone you love…you do what you must  to make it right.

….or you let them go so they can find happiness elsewhere.

But….sometimes you love each so much…that even if you are broken…you both have the patience to work through it.

…and that’s what I’m hoping for my mighty massholes.

When it rains…something about faces…

 

So I saw Thyroid in the kitchen the other day.  I was headed for the peanut butter and he was hanging out on the counter.   He typically sits next to the coffee maker. …not unusual…whenever I reach for the peanut butter, thyroid is usually there….

I asked…offhandedly, how Pituitary was doing.  I’m curious…you know?  Those two need to talk ALL the time.  They need to be ON their game.  Usually they’re okay.  Not great, but okay…they make it work.  Lately, I’ve been getting the feeling they’ve ceased communication all together.

It might be due to this awesome sextuple chin I have going on….or the fact that I’ve been needing eight to nine hours of sleep.  WHO NEEDS THAT????  Who seriously needs THAT much sleep?  ….24 hours isn’t enough as it is…I can’t afford to be sleeping more than six or seven of those hours.

 

 

I ask Thyroid if he can go talk to Pituitary for me.  Just try and reason with the guy.  Explain that no one likes a sextuple chin and no one around here likes to sleep more than six hours.  I plead with him.

Thyroid tells me that Pituitary is an asshole.  He thinks he’s all better than every other gland.  Awesomesauce.  Pituitary is being a complete thug. …and not the good kind…like a boss, but the asshole kind, like a dick. And I do not need a dick for a Pituitary.  I’m fairly certain they have two completely different functions…

…sigh….drugs.  Pituitary wants drugs and Thyroid wants in on the action too.  Not cool my mighty massholes.  Not cool.  Drugs mean I have to drag my sleepy ass to the doctor (and they’ll weigh me!!!!!) and drugs mean blood work.  Lots and lots of blood work.  And for the love of christ, there is not a single phlebotomist out there (…aside from my friend Lindsay…) that can find a vein on my arm.    ..apparently my arms are veinless.

To make matters worse…I now have to drive my sorry veinless body over to the doctor in a jeep that still has Anteater in it.  Fortunately, we got the top down, so he has more room to maneuver, but still.  …it’s a Wrangler.  …it gets cramped in there.  …and if it rains…well…we’re fucked.  Wet Anteater is super smelly.

Waiting all Winterlong at the Hotel Yorba

Oh.

Hi.

I see you’re still…..here.

Oh you mighty massholes…I tip my….hat….to…

…you.

…seriously??….

Just when I think I have one thing under control…three more unexplained circumstances present themselves. The ever elusive anteater showed up last month.
…and tiny pterodactyl won’t. stop. poking. it.

Always.
…with the poking.
…and the questions.
Always.
…with the questions.

…well…..uh, yeah. It appears to be an anteater.

…possibly more on that later!

From My Family To Yours….

Good news!!
…I’m not dead!

…just busy.
Incredibly. ….busy.

But I wanted to take a moment and thank you.
…my mighty mighty massholes.
(…yeah…I may or may not have seen the Bosstones earlier this week. And it may or may not have been one of the best shows I’ve been to in forever. [Yes. I'm using "forever" as a unit of measurement.])

I want to thank you for reading.
For following.
For leading and for commenting.
You…you massholes.
…you’re pretty fucking awesome.

So from my family to yours…..

The dancing bear who showed up at my house with balloons and cake the day before my birthday
…it really happened….I swear.

Tiny pterodactyl who instigates all poor decision making

The carpet who may or may not be so awesome (but loves to dance)

My doughnut loving bulldogs

My squid and the mighty masshole you’ve come to love (yup, that’s me! [you love me...admit it])

And my glitter eating Unicorn

Wish you all a very beautiful, very strong 2011. We all hope your year is full of learning opportunities, challenges that make you think, love from your family and friends and support from all of your personal circle.

….you know…you’d think I’d learn by now…fuckin’ a man….
…tiny pterodactyl gets into everything!

Happy New Year!!!

The Everything Learning Latin Book

Oh my Massholes…
…I’ve been very very busy.

I’ve been so busy…
…my days are blurring together.
…I hear today is Friday….
…I hope I got good intel on that one.

This week….
…I learned how to install a stack on connector to one of our furniture systems….

I also learned how to install an electrical receptacle outlet.

…these might not seem like big deals to you…but they are to me.
..this means for the small things…I can do it my own damn self.
Boo.
Ya.

I also ran into an angry porcupine this week…

…but she turned out to be really cool.

…and subsequently not as angry as one would think.
…you know…
….bein’ a porcupine and all….

However….I have been triumphant this week.
…

So the tiny pterodactyl and I celebrated.

…and really…that’s all.

…aside from me considering a plate change.

To:
MAHOLE

….think it would get rejected?

They Call Me the Rhymenocerous

Dear Massholes,
I’ve been very busy.
I haven’t had much time to draw.
….however…that doesn’t mean nothing hilarious has happened. I’m working on it.

In the meantime, I give you…..

The Hip-Hopopotamus

You’re welcome.

..and it all started with a conferenece call.

Hey there Massholes…
…you might be wondering why the sporadic updates.
..or maybe not.
Regardless…I’m going to tell you why.

This week…
…this week my trusty Massholes…while you’ve all been busy staying warm in the awesome temperatures we’ve been having…
…I’ve been keeping toasty in furniture hell.
Furniture.
Hell.

….it exists.
I swear.

…for those “in the know”…yes…that’s Matrix.

It all started with a conference call.

…where I learned that the schedule had been changed…
…because the carpet arrived early.

The GC was elated!
…awesome possum for him I suppose.

I was not so happy.
…not because I was running behind schedule.
…but because I was running ON TIME….
…certainly not ahead…

This did not delight my unicorn.
…who remained fairly stubborn through the first morning of the install.

..bummer for him because I had to loan him out for the afternoon…
…I hope he worked out ok.
My bee really needed him.

…my friend CK….?
…her unicorn was puking that morning….she said it was a mess of streamers and confetti….must not have been a pretty sight.
…so I guess I was lucky to have a stubborn unicorn that wasn’t vomiting party favors everywhere.

…tomorrow I will find out just how triumphant over this install I am.
…I’m not hedging my bets.
…I really hope the tiny pterodactyl shows up in my coffee pot again.
…with a liter of kahlua for my coffee…
…because that’s how I’m rollin’ these days.